Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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