I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
