I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
