Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
