everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize