the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
