got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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