a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
