I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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