I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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