One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
