sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
