Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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