K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
