is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
