I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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