Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
