My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
