so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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