I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I believe in your delicious
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
