I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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