she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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