Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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