You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
soo... how was my night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize