how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
