Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
