you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
