lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
