You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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