i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still dying that you shit outside
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
