I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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