just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
