Small penises have feelings too.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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