Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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