She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
