Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
