I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize