i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize