You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
