i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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