someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
