Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
