I puked a lego.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
