hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
