i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My cat gives me a boner
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
