hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
