you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
