Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
