they need to just BURY HIM!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
