Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
