this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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