glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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