I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
