I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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