I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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