In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize