My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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