so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
