At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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