Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
